


Letting Go is Not Giving Up

by Natakamey (Lord_BucKam)



Category: Free!
Genre: First Time, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, Lots of Crying, M/M, Makoto-centric, One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicide thoughts, This is pretty dark guys, emphasis on "trying", fuckbuddies to lovers i guess ?, hurt Haruka, i dunno how it'll end, or i think it is, trying to move forward
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:27:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25009963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_BucKam/pseuds/Natakamey
Summary: Makoto thinks he's independent now, he really does. But between physical distance and lifetime separation, there's a difference he's not yet ready to accept. Not alone.And thankfully, he's not alone.
Relationships: Azuma Ryuuji/Tachibana Makoto, Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka, One-sided Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto - Relationship, Past Azuma Ryuuji/Matsuoka Toraichi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys to this impossible fic about an impossible ship i thought of after finishing s3 bc i was frustrated with the too inconsistent Makoto Harem compared to the Rin Harem™, and i'm always a sucker for my fave being shipped with good seme material.
> 
> Anyway, i'm writing this out of the blue to work on my english so i have literally no idea where this'll go or how long it'll be. Hope you'll stick with and enjoy it nonetheless !

The first wave of dizziness hit him in class, he didn’t think much of it, simply accusing the rising heat of May, really nothing worth notice.

The second wave came around lunchtime. That was more unusual, was he getting sick ? He should be careful, he still had to work after school and it was too late to back off. He could take the day off tomorrow to rest a bit if it got worse though.

The third wave hit different, way worse, just as he was getting ready to go home. Thankfully he was alone as he grasped tightly at his shirt. Gut-wrenching, he felt his breath hitch in his throat, and cold sweat trickle down his back. He had the strongest feeling something terribly bad was going to happen. And if his body felt it…

He ran back home like it would give him some sort of answer, something to soothe the panic peaking inside him. He slammed the door behind him, got rid of his backpack and shoes, and made a beeline to his bed. His hands were shaking when he took out his phone to check if he got any message, any news, and fought back the need to call them directly to know if they were okay. Instead, he just messaged them a simple _“Hey ! Everything okay ?”_. Pretty hypocritical, considering his own state, but he didn’t want to worry them. If they were good, he was too. Making them freak out would just worsen the situation for everyone. He didn’t want that.

He expected the others to take some time before answering -they had their own lives- but at least he hoped Nagisa would be fast enough. With his usual cheerfulness, he would instantly feel better.

Except he didn’t.

The first text he got was, surprisingly, from his mother. And he had to reread it three times to try and grasp at its meaning.

_“Nanase-san just told me Haruka-kun got severely hurt during his training, did you get any news ?”_

No.

…No.

That was just…No.

When ? How ? Why hadn’t he been informed ? How come even his mother knew before him?

He wished he didn’t get any more messages, but it seemed like the world wanted to see him scream today.

He just wanted to see him. He just wanted to be with him, make sure he was okay -he wasn’t, and that made him feel unbelievably awful. He wanted…No, he _needed_ to go where Haruka was, right now.

All he knew was that he was in training camp with his team in South Korea, where exactly he couldn’t remember. Thankfully, he had his passport made in case anything came up unexpectedly, and after a simple _“Where are you ?”_ sent to Asahi, he was able to book a flight for the evening.

He didn’t really remember his way to the airport and into the plane, he had been so panicked he just filled his backpack with some clothes and money he had been saving for the past months and left his apartment. He even forgot to ask Asahi what kind of injury had Haruka exactly; maybe the redhead had told him in his reply but his brain just didn’t register it. Much like he didn’t register his reaction when he told him he was about to get into the plane to come straight to Seoul to see them.

He didn’t want to know. Not until he was beside him.

He arrived after… two hours, maybe three, he wasn’t sure. He was half expecting Asahi or maybe Mikoshiba to be waiting for him in front of the airport. He was Haru’s closest friend and it was only logical for him to be here, right? But they could have been tired and still in shock, so he prepared himself to take a taxi and just show the address to the driver, but someone was waiting for him.

It wasn’t Asahi, nor Mikoshiba.

It was Azuma. Haruka’s personal coach.

He wanted to smile and wave at him, thanking him for bothering to come to pick him up, or maybe he wasn’t or had been forced by the others in which case he should rather apologize.

But he couldn’t.

It was still night, cold and dark, or so he felt it. When he met the older’s eyes. It was a knowing look. Not the sympathetic, pitying one that meant “I’m sorry for what you’re going through”. He didn’t know how he would’ve reacted to such a look, to be honest. He didn’t feel like himself. Maybe he would’ve had smiled to reassure them, maybe he would’ve punched them. He didn’t know.

But all he did in front of the older man was let him throw an arm around his shoulders and whisper “C’mere” before everything went pitch black around him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, i am updating the chapters as i write them. Yes, i just finished the second one 4 hours after the first one
> 
> Be grateful, and enjoy

Makoto’s eyes opened on a blindingly bright light, white ceiling, white walls, white clothes. Oh, green plant, that felt good.

Standing up, he understood that he was lying down a bench, in a hospital corridor.

So. Haruka.

He wanted to rush, but his dizziness prevented him from. He felt awful on so many levels, but again his priority was his friend. A nurse was passing by when he stopped her to ask about Haruka’s room, but before she could answer, a nearby door opened and a redhead came out.

“Makoto, you’re awake.”

“Asahi !”

They joined fast and Makoto didn’t bother with formalities. His friend understood and went straight to the point.

“It was a car accident.” He felt his knees weaken. “He saved a girl and got hit, but apparently he hadn’t realized he had intern bleeding because of the shock, until he got to the pool and started swimming a length before falling unconscious. You know how he is, we didn’t notice there was something wrong right away…”

The dizziness worsening, Makoto felt like throwing up, when he saw Asahi bow down low before him.

“I am sincerely sorry.” He took a long breath to regain control over his voice and tried a little smile.

“It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault.”

Talking felt like ripping his throat off. He really wasn’t feeling good, when he was supposed to support his friends and Haruka.

“How is he now ?”

“…He’s stabilized, the doctor said. But in a coma.”

Coma. A word he’s only ever heard in movies and that used to freak him out. Now he was living it. If felt so unreal.

“Can I see him ?”

“Yeah. Most of the team already checked on him. We had the day off to stay with him but it’d feel crowded so…”

“Yeah. Thanks for watching over him.”

“Huh, that’s normal. He’s our friend.”

He really, _really_ felt like shit. But that was nothing compared to Haruka.

A rush of fresh, flowery scent brushed him as he entered the room. Tons of bouquets were already on both nightstands, brightening the place with colors. But what really warmed Makoto’s heart was the fact that most of them were blue.

And between this beauty, was Haruka, lying unconscious. He was paler than ever and looked so cold Makoto just wanted to embrace him in a hug to give him warmth. It felt so wrong to see him like this. Everything felt so wrong. He only hoped to wake up from this awful dream…

He moved to sit beside the bed, he took Haru’s hand in his and just stayed there, looking at him and silently praying. He didn’t even notice he was crying until he felt the tears down his jaw. He didn’t bother to wipe them. He just let his feeling pour freely until he’d be tired of it. He was already tired. He wanted to lay down and sleep and not wake up to this.

Just sleep and never wake up…

His head was resting on a corner of the bed when he heard steps rush into the room and a voice he recognized too well scream desperately.

Rin.

If Makoto looked bad, Rin was worse. He looked like he was running on too much coffee and had lost half of his sight. As soon as his laid eyes on Haruka he started crying too.

Tears mixed with rage and despair and panic.

He felt that all too well, but still couldn’t bear it. He left his place for his childhood friend who hadn’t noticed him and went out of the room to some vending machine that should probably be somewhere in the corridor. He needed something to drink. Or just a lot of sleep. Maybe if he collapsed on the floor they would get him to a comfortable bed ? But the hospital bill-

“Want anything ?” He jumped. He had been standing in front of the vending machine apparently, god knows for how long. He turned his head to see that it was Azuma.

“Uh… Coffee… Please.”

Without a word, the coach put in the money and pressed two buttons -he only saw then that it was written in Korean- before shaking the can in front of him. Oh. He spaced out again.

“Th-thanks… Sorry.”

“’s nothing.”

He looked absentmindedly at his drink before actually opening it. 

“You should go home. Or at least a hotel.” He blinked, then furrowed his brows.

“But Haru’s-”

“There’s nothing you can do to help him.” Makoto felt a strange sensation in the pit of his empty stomach.

Ah. It was rage.

“How do _you_ know…”

He realized the impolite way he addressed his senior and turned to apologize, but the Azuma was already going away, finishing his bag of chips.

He already was almost sick, now feeling bad for talking shit to people was just what he needed.

Maybe he was right, he needed to rest before he caused more trouble.

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on twitter at @natakamey  
> *sips on orange juice*


End file.
